Why I decided to run away and join the circus... and why I'm not really going anywhere

Long story short because so many of you have asked:

I started twisting balloons after being really, really disappointed by a really, really expensive clown we had booked for my daughter's birthday. I was willing to pay whatever he was asking to have him stop by the wild animal party and make the kids some elephants, giraffes, and especially tigers. (My girl is obsessed with tigers.)

Except this clown couldn't make tigers. He didn't even have a Sharpie with him to make a cat into a tiger. But that didn't matter since he couldn't make a balloon cat anyway. So he made my girl a balloon dog and told her it was "a cat with long ears". Then he convinced the other kids to go for swords and flowers rather than jungle animals and headed for the hills. It didn't take long for my daughter to realize that her "cat" wasn't a cat, and suddenly Mommy's big surprise was Mommy's big disappointment.

Yes, I should have said something. Of course I should have. But I paid him instead and stewed about it.

Always one to hold a grudge, I couldn't let go of the fact that all I wanted was a balloon tiger in my kids' hands, and she still didn't have one. (Do you see where this story is going?)

So I decided to try it out myself. I bought some modelling balloons, watched a YouTube video on how to blow them up by mouth, tried it, almost passed out in the process, and (Eureka!) bought a much more practical hand pump. Half an hour later, I had created a balloon dog. He was simple and lopsided, and I was so proud of him because here was my proof that I was right about the clown and not a victim of my own overblown expectations. It actually almost felt better than getting my money back. (Almost.)

You see, I am the opposite of crafty. I can't braid my kid's hair. I can't crochet. Pinterest makes me feel bad about myself, I can hardly sew on a button, and scrapbook supplies from 2006 are downstairs in a moving box, having been moved from Germany, to Connecticut, to California, and back to Germany, but never (ever!) into an actual scrapbook.

I am absolutely tickled by the fact that my only discernible crafting ability is twisting balloons (and I am only a beginner at that, too!).

No, I don't really plan to do anything with it.
No, I really don't want to be hired for your cousin's neighbor's kid's birthday party.
No, just because I sort of know how to do something doesn't mean I will be doing it for hours on end at the next school function.
No, I don't want to teach you how to make balloon animals. There are great YouTube tutorials out there. If you don't have the time or motivation to watch them, you sure don't have the time or motivation to learn from a bumbling amateur like me.
But YES, I absolutely will make friends and family anything they would like to have in balloon form, if you are willing to accept that I am a beginner and it might be pretty apparent.
But I will promise you one thing:
I will NEVER, ever give your kid a balloon dog and call it a tiger.